I mean nothing...

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	I'm the biggest flirt.
Time:	9:16 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.
Music:	ashlee simpson stuck in my head..

wooo back to school time! so exciting!

so yeah my classes are pretty good, I don't mind having half my classes with kyle. He's going to become my new best friend.

I have at least two people that I'm friends with in all of my classes. Me, Kyle, and Rich have lunch together which is super.

I lied about the friends part. I signed up for stupid tv and film cuz I needed an elective and I didn't care so now I'm with a whole bunch of freshman. That class is going to be boring to get through.

So they screwed up with me already....this morning I had a homeroom and I went there and they didn't have a schedule for me so I had to go wait in guidance. That was fun, I was listening to these two dipshits talk about stupid shit. This one said how he was taking bio cuz it's all about "plants". So now he thinks the teacher's gonna tell him how to grow weed. I swear they're so dumb.

So I find out that I didn't even have a schedule at all. I wasn't even on any of my teachers's lists. So that kinda sucked but oh well, I got mostly all of the classes I wanted.

I have till friday to read the summaries of Frankenstein. Considering I didn't even know what book we had to read till about two weeks into august. And we have a test friday. Greaaaaat.

I have four other people in my pre-calc class. The only problem....we're all girls. I can at least talk to Autumn and Shara....but I need a guy around me. I'm weird.

yep...that's it.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	being productive....
Time:	2:39 pm.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	crazy shit outside.

I woke up at 9:30....too early, considering I knew I wasn't going to be doing anything today. Talked to my mom, and my grandma on the phone for a while. Called to wake up Chris...but he's out somewhere, so that was a lost cause. Cleaned the kitchen, dining room, living room, dusted, doing laundry, changed sheets, putting clothes away, going to wind up cleaning the bathroom. Even though I don't want to, I know it's going to happen.

Sundays are a waste of day. I think that they should be erased from the week. Now that I think about it, if they weren't there, then saturday would just be a waste. I think too much.

I'm bored. Surprise, surprise!

I miss Taz :( I wish he was here so I could play with him.

I've been online for over 10 days. That's a new record...woo!

I need to do something now, even though it will keep me occupied for about 20 minutes and then I'll need something else to do.

(1 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	ughh
Time:	9:19 pm.
Mood:	crushed.

I'm so bored...I hate this.

I wish I had people to hangout with other than my bf and all of his friends.

I only have one close friend and I'm not gonna spend every single day with her either..I mean we have seperate lives and all.

I've realized lately that I'm a pathetic soul with NOOOO life. What's wrong with me.

All I've been doing is getting depressed lately, I just wish I could be happy.

I wish I wasn't so clingy....or something other than an annoying girl that has to hangout with her bf and his friends all the time, I'm such a damn loser.

I bet they really don't like me and they just put up with me cuz I'm with chris.

But then again I always assume the worst. The people I used to hangout with haven't even talked to me all summer...and I'm starting to think if that's my fault.

I need to grow up that's all...maybe I should disappear.

(1 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	then he walked away....
Time:	1:50 pm.
Mood:	indescribable.
Music:	the radio...it's so lovely..

So let's see....some crazy shit has been going on lately.

I went to Florida...for about two days. I hated it, my stepmom just screamed at my dad most of the time I was there. All that went on was arguing, which I hate so much. Then I want to go into a store and everyone just basically ignores me. They left me behind and it was just shitty. I called my mom crying and she got me a plane ticket for the next day. I haven't talked to my dad for over a week...he called to see if I made it home alright. Yeah thanks for caring, asshole.

I told my mom that I wanted nothing to do with him after that. After he couldn't wait for me to get on that damn boat thing that took you back to the entrance of EPCOT. He's so senseless sometimes. He has no backbone, he couldn't even say anything to his wife after she was saying how she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I told him he could drop me off at the airport in the morning and his wife told me to just take a taxi now and stay there overnight. He's a fucking jellyfish...no substance to him, he's just there taking up space.

I love how after 17 years of him being aware of my existence NOW he wants something to do with me. That's just lovely...well now I don't want anything to do with him. I don't even wanna see his fucking face at my graduation and I don't even wanna hear his voice.

Hmmm what else is going on....

My big dog Nate bit my dog Taz....and they weren't getting along so I had to have Matthew take care of him. I'm really sad, but he said that whenever I wanted to go over there and see him I could. I'm glad, but it sucks cuz he's so old and when he dies I won't even be with him.

Soccer starts really really soon. I'm excited to start playing, I just wish I could play after the season ends too.

I went hardcore clothes shopping last week. Spent about 500 bucks. It was oh so nice. I haven't done clothes shopping like that since my birthday.

I registered at Florence a little while ago. I never got the summer reading or pre-calc work. What is that about? She didn't even mention it. Chris said he would give me the pre-calc work...but I don't know if I'll be able to do it in a week.

I'm pretty bored....I have to go to the doctor's soon. WOOO!!!

I keep getting IMs from Anthony and it's REALLY pissin me off. He needs to just leave me alone. He tells me he got his eclipse...oooh wow, I really don't care, now you're a fag with your fag car. I told him he needs to go tell his girl. THEN I find out his girl left him! haha!!!! Oh well, that sucks. The piece of trash is back in Florence. After all that trash talking saying that he left me for her, and then she goes and leaves. Oh well, to think that I'm jealous of her. No sorry, Chris is a lot better than Anthony ever was and ever will be. Some people just really need to grow up, that's all. I blocked every sn that he IMed me on, except I forget to block one and he asks me why I didn't block that one but every other name. Oh geeze, you're just trying to talk to me...get over it I don't like you at all.

He just amuses me so much...I can't get over it.

(4 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	it's been too long.
Time:	5:06 pm.
Mood:	busy.
Music:	fall out boy.

holy fuck it's been over a month.

Drew was right...I'm starting to be like him with my slacking of the lj updating.

I'm starting to worry too much about school and it hasn't even fucking started. But I thought about a lot of shit today and realized what I need to do and how I can go about doing all of it, and I think I'm pretty much good to go.

I've been working my ass off. Leave for Disney World on Monday. I'm gonna miss my baby :( but it's gonna be fun and I know it'll go by fast.

Going to try to get a job at Chuck E. Cheese's. I'm getting sick of Great Adventure. My bosses are fucking idiots and assholes. Not to mention I found out that one of them is a total fucking slut, another is a man whore with nasty teeth. And well everyone else has something wrong with them. I guess that's why we work in entertainment, cuz mostly all of us are theatrical and dramatic.

So things have been pretty great lately. I can't believe that summer is almost over already. It's been great...I've found my match :D. I can't let that go and I know I won't.

Friday is Warped Tour! wooooooooooieeeee. I'm so excited.

I can't wait to get back from Florida so that I can go to Hurricane Harbor. I haven't been there at all this year...I wanna go sooooo bad. I like the fact that I can drag Chris along with me whenever I wanna go.

We went to Great Adventure last week and one of the tech's that I know works in the magic show. So me and Chris go in to see it and he's all talkin to me and hitting on me right in front of chris. I was like come on leave me alone I just wanna sit down. I'm not gonna lie he has nice eyes and all but I think I'm one of the few girls that doesn't have any sort of attraction towards him, I don't think I ever have. He's just to weird....and he hits on me so much.

I think that's all I'm gonna update now...I have a bunch of other shit to do.

(2 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	you don't love me, you just know me.
Time:	9:55 pm.
Mood:	amused.
Music:	Atmosphere - Cats Van Bags.

Sooo.....I guess I have a lot to update on, as if people cared. I just do it for myself.

So I'm workin at great adventure four days a week. It's nice, I have good days off, and I get more money.

my summer's been pretty great. I went to a few parties and met some crazy people. Rode on a fire truck through a field in the middle of the night. I was the designated driver. Got a prank phone call and had everyone in the party cracking up. I still don't know who called me, but I had people talkin shit to them.

Went to the beach twice already, going again next week. I'm gonna start playing my guitar again. I need a hobby, I'm still thinking of what I can do.

Nothing really too exciting has happened. Anthony decided he would ask me if I knew where his gf was. HAHA!!!! Does he have balls or what. It's not my fault his girl ran away from his house, yet again. I heard she was in Florence. He took it upon himself to ask for my help. Yeah right, I'm gonna help him get info about the girl he left me for. Yeah whatever, he can lick my balls! HAHA! My life is so much better after I left him. I don't feel obligated to be with someone all the time. I wanted a bf, not someone to babysit. I'm glad he left me, now he can see what he really got himself into.

Yeah well, that's it for now. I'm out.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	woaaah two weeks, this is a new record
Time:	4:47 pm.
Mood:	bored.
Music:	television.

So I haven't updated in a while. I don't know I guess I've just been lazy. I figured I could update now since I'm sitting at home, bored, nothing to do. Woah is me.

Let's see...Florence prom was fun, after prom was....another story. Nuff said.

Don't work at Limited Too anymore. Gave them my two weeks notice, was supposed to go yesterday for my last day but didn't show up. I'm such a fuckhead.

Great Adventure is fun...except that I got a phone call today and I can't work nights anymore cuz of "minor violations" I guess that means someone fucked up...I dunno. That sucks, now I have to work from 12-8:30. I liked working nights, we didn't really have to do much.

Went over Jarrett's on Wednesday and went swimming, that was fun...except the pool was cold so I just stood in the shallow end. We watched some crazy ass black people line dancing. It was weird, and I can't explain anything about that.

Yesterday hung out with crazy people most of the day. Went to Colombus, got myself some funnel cake and lemonade. Yummmmmy. Me and Chippy were on our way to the mall and I decided I didn't want to go so I turned around. We headed on over to Andrew's and saw some crazy people there too. Pirate John was there with his green legs. Haha....went for a ride, then went to gay ass burlington center. Got some Burger King, had a terrible stomach ache, went home studied...don't remember what I studied. Passed out.

I've had four finals so far. My brain is frying like an egg, especially after algebra. I thought I was going to die. After the history final me and Dyan played perfection, that was unbelievable amounts of fun. We're pro's at our shapes...like little kids.

Other than that, not really much has been going on. I've been hangin out with Chris (captain chippy haha), workin, studying. I can't wait till school is over. I need my sleep.

I got my tickets for warped tour, along with about 8 other people. I'm so friggin excited now.

I'm trying to get all my friends to get season passes at great adventure so I have someone to go there with whenever I want. I told Chris I'd pay for his cuz he's a lazy ass and doesn't work. I don't even know the meaning of that. But anyway! I need to find something to do...I think I actually might wind up driving around by myself. Oh what fun.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	This is the part where I bitch
Time:	8:34 pm.
Mood:	exhausted.
Music:	NFG - Hit or Miss....1234 1234 1234 1234!!!!.

So yeah, things are good and bad and good and bad all at the same time.

I'm getting more hours at Limited Too, that's good.
I stayed up till 12:30 lastnight so I could finish my essay, bad.
I'm tired as fuck, bad.
My paycheck was less than 30 dollars, bad.
I owe Chris 30, and I have to get my hair done tomorrow with no money, bad.
I'm trying to save my gas because I have no money to pay for the ass raping price of gas, that's fuckin bad.
School is stressing me out to no end, bad.
I can't miss anymore days unexcused or I'll lose credit, horrible.
The kitchen is finished, that's good but not really a big deal to me.
I'm going to the Florence prom tomorrow, good.
Kait's going too, good.
My body is so sore I can't walk, bad.
I still have this terrible cold, bad.
I haven't been able to hangout with Niver for a while and I'm starting to miss him, bad.
People that I hardly hangout with or don't hangout with at all are asking me for rides, bad....for them too cuz they can go fuck themselves.
Finals are in two weeks, bad.
I sleep in a lot of my classes, bad.
Hungout with Brian for the first time in six months the other day, very very good.
Niver bought me a chocolate peanut butter milkshake, wonderful.
NFG "Hit or Miss" brings back the memories of freshman year, awesome.
I love my job at Great Adventure, unbelievably good.
I enjoy working at Limited Too, so far so good.
I miss my mommy, bad.
I feel like a douche for complaining in this entry, bad.
I do have a right to bitch because it IS my lj, good.
I'm going over Chris's and I'll wind up passing out on his soft couch, great.
Going to Florence next year, wooooo!
Looking forward to playing soccer, :D.
Still really fucking tired, ugh.

I think that's basically it. I just can't wait till school is over with so I'm not all stressed out over this stuff.

(2 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	shit is just crazy
Time:	2:12 pm.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	people playing quates and having fun outside..

I don't know what to do anymore...so much has been on my mind, I seriously can't take it.

I have to talk to him about this, it's serious. I don't think he ever believes me or ever will. I don't think he'll ever understand either. I just want to be friends, but sometimes I just can't take the way he is. I wonder why I stick around for him. Maybe I'm there for a reason. I just can't take crying over it anymore. I can't stop him from doing what he wants to do...but if it's gonna hurt a lot of people in the long run, then I guess I can try. It feels like history is repeating itself. Last time I got the cold shoulder I just gave up. I try to stick around but it kinda hurts. I feel like I just care WAY too much, and it's not worth it.

I was thinkin about when we started to hangout again, I missed you a lot. I'm starting to miss you again. I feel like you don't even want to be my friend. Maybe I'm just getting too attached.

I wound up not partying this weekend. I didn't really feel like it, our plans got screwed as always. The boardwalk was fun. I got my one leg buried in the sand...that was just odd.

so many people are having barbaques around here, I wish I could join in....then again I don't.

I've been in the shittiest mood lately, I hate it. It's like I don't want to do anything...but I get like this once in a while.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	bbbbbeauuuuuutiful
Time:	7:33 pm.
Mood:	bored.
Music:	television.

So today was....eventful. I wound up waking up at 7:45 so I was late to school.

School was eh. Same as always. I was walking to meet up with Paul and I put my arms out to block his way and he picks me up and starts running with me and slams me into steve. I thought I was gonna fall on my ass, and give everyone a show with my skirt.

I thought I had work today, but I was a call in...so I drove all the way there for no reason. But I definitaly work Thursday, and Wednesday I'm a call in. That sorta sucks, I want some hours so I can make money.

My grandma and my aunt came over today. Grandma gave me some money :D always a plus.

I'm sitting here bored, no one is online and I feel like going for a walk, but not in the mood to go by myself. I'd walk up to visit Niver, but I don't think I can drink a milkshake today. I haven't hung out with him in like a week, it's like I'm neglecting him.

Ugh I'm bored and there's nothing to do!!!!!!!!!! I think I might have a bowl of ice cream. I'm all super excited to go to prom on Friday :D and I'm going to Florence's prom in two weeks. It's oh so exciting, I'm getting good use out of my dress I know that.

Yeah that's it for now.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	tell me, how does one exactly "suck a fuck"?
Time:	9:43 pm.
Mood:	exhausted.
Music:	donnie darko.

sooo yeah I haven't updated in a while. I don't know i guess I've been busy, maybe I haven't.

Friday went to Rutgers....that was fun. Until I went out in the morning and someone threw a bucket of puke out their window and it landed on my car and put a dent in my hood. It was gross, but I had to laugh about it at the same time. So much crazy shit happened, I don't think I'd get into all of it....I walked around in my bathing suit and someone's robe. I don't know why I did that.

So then I came home saturday, got ready for work. Boring ass orientation it was so repetitive. People were being such assholes, I was ready to punch them. Thank God I won't be working in the same department as them.

Went to the mall got my mommy a George Forman grill for mother's day, cuz I'm the best. Went to shop rite, loitered. Got some food, the usual.

I hung out with Chris, I was so tired from the five hours of sleep I got the night before. I just kept falling asleep.

Sooooo nothing else, that's it....my head is killing me.

(2 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	You make me feel like I am free again.
Time:	11:36 am.
Mood:	rejuvenated.
Music:	Fall Out Boy - Chicago is So Two Years Ago.

Sooo let's see. Yesterday was eventful.

The school had a charity softball game, Paul got me a ticket for it. I figured, get the ticket, and then just leave and not go to the game. But then Pete and Paul were like nah let's just go to the game, we have nothing better to do. Yeah, after about ten mins we were like ummmm yeah we do have better stuff to do. So we tried to get out of there, but they're really gay and wouldn't let us leave. But we just left and didn't go back to ninth period.

I went to Shop Rite, got my check and told Rob I wasn't coming in anymore. He said I was fired, but I checked the schedule and i was on it, with more days than I usually worked. I was like yeah, okay Rob I'm really fired. So that felt good to get my last check and be out of there.

Me Pete and Paul went to Scotto's and got some pizza, damn was it good. Haha. We wound up going to the mall and just hangin around. We went back to Pete's house, where me and Paul fell asleep on this recliner. My leg twitched and woke me up, of course when does that not happen to me. I was actually getting some good nappage until Hayley called cuz she was standing outside. So yeah I was kinda groggy.

We all went up to Oxford Valley cuz Pete's gf (Heather) had to get a dress for prom. I was in the store sitting in the big poofy dresses, I kinda got lost in them. I was standing there with Paul and I was thinking about how I didn't need to be there because I already had my dress. So we went to Hollister, I got myself a shirt...then I got a pretzel and lemonade. So we went back to the dress store after for another half hour which is like hell. Ugh, I'm so glad it's only me and my mom that go dress shopping....I was like it's actually NOT that hard to pick out a dress you like. But whatev....I felt bad I was supposed to hangout with Chris and didn't get a chance to so I'm making it up to him today.

My evening was....eventful, other than me being tired as poo. I got my second wind at like 12 and I got my full ten hours of sleep, it was sweeeet.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle
Time:	11:33 pm.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	fall out boy stuck in my head...what a surprise..

Sooo let's see...today I hung out with Kait, that was fun. Went to Moorestown Mall cuz I had an interview with Limited Too. Haha, I'm an employee there...that's so great! I start on monday, and I'm super excited.

Yesterday, I went to six flags with Heather. We got jobs there too, but we're only working weekends till around June or something. Limited too is really cool about the schedule and everything, so I'm really excited. After that I went over Niver's. Interesting stuff always happens when we hang out. It's great though. Some guy fell at Rita's right before we got there so there was ice cream on the ground and an ambulance and I was like hmm maybe I should slip on the water and get some money. Haha. I made him a hemp belt, he made me a bracelet. I'm happy :D. He's going to see Matt this weekend, so I have to get a few minutes in tomorrow to see him.

I don't think too much has been going on. Except today has been super weird. Me and Dyan were driving back to school after lunch and there was a dildo in the road. That was pretty funny. It was gone after school. I wore pink pants to school today, some guy was driving out of the parking lot and he looks at me and says "I like pink pants" and I looked at him and was just like that's nice. It was pretty weird. The silliest pickup line I've ever heard.

I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Fucking freaky as hell. I think I'm gonna have nightmares because of my unbelievable fear of chainsaws....I couldn't take the noise when they had it own so I just started talking to kait during those parts.

I'm tired as hell, I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday. I'm actually excited for Monday and to start working at the mall. It's gonna be greaaat.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	this story's old but it goes on and on until we dissappear
Time:	8:51 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.
Music:	the simpsons.

Well, friday was prom. It was fun. I'm glad I went with Niver, we had a good time. He saw Scott there and he was like "I know that kid" and I just looked at Niver and said, yeah he was the one that was on Made. We dropped off Lindsay and her date, then I went back to his house at about 12. We drove to the shore and got there at like 2:30. I was so tired, I thought I was gonna pass out when we got there. I got my second wind. The fuckin maid like busted the door open she just knocked and unlocked it right away, I was like damn, can't a nigga get some sleep. It was impossible, and the bed sucked, it had a hole in it. Haha.

We went to the boardwalk for like the whole day. I saw so many people. White Rice was standing outside an arcade with a beer bong in his hand. He was ready to party. So we hungout at the boardwalk with Niver's cousin and his friend. So yeah my weekend was interesting. To say the least.

Today I hungout with Chris and this kid Ben. We went up to the mall, I saw Kait at work for the first time in like 8 months. I can't believe it's been that long. So I told her to call me cuz I was getting her in trouble at work. I kinda felt bad, but it happens to me too...I know the feeling. She's gonna call me tonight, so that should be fun.

I'm tired, I just wanna go to sleep now, but I know I'm going to stay up really late. Oh well no surprise.

btw...nothing beats driving the wrong way down a one way street and not realizing it for about two miles. Nice.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	I'm not the way you think I am
Time:	7:08 pm.
Mood:	excited.
Music:	busdriver - Imaginary Places.

So today was a pretty good day. Heather and Dyan took a ride with me today. Went to my grandma's to get money, talked for a little bit. Then went to Italian People's to get Dyan's working papers. She's so lucky, workin with White Rice. Hahaha. Then we went up to six flags and me and Heather filled out applications. It's so great, she's doing games and I'm doing the character. It's gonna be so much fun! I've always wanted to do something like that. I get paid 6.75 they only take out like 4 for the union. I get a season's pass, and I get six guest passes after I work there for a month.

So tomorrow is the prom. I'm excited, except it's supposed to rain. Which really sucks, but maybe it won't...I hope. This weekend is gonna be nice. That's really good too.

I might be going to the senior prom this year too! I'm so fuckin happy about that :D Everything is going good, I just hope it stays this way. No more shop rite! woooo!

Tomorrow I get out of school at one...wonderful. No Marine Bio test for me! and NO CHEMISTRY! Yes, that's so exciting.

There's this kid that was in my gym class and I found out today that he raped this girl that he worked with. He was in jail for like two days and he got bailed out. It's scary to know that someone you go to school with is a rapist. I'm not afraid he's gonna rape me there, but it's creepy. Oh well, I guess I REALLY need to go back to Florence, after that shit.

Sooo, yeah I think that's it. Me and Chris are gonna get some ice cream when he gets home. I wanna go for a walk and he'll go with me. I can go for a chocolate peanut butter shake yummmy. Especially one made by Niver haha, even better. Yeahhhh so this hot pocket is gettin cold.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	you want apologies, you might as well hold your breath till your breathing stops forever
Time:	11:13 pm.
Mood:	crappy.
Music:	busdriver - imaginary places....crazy song.

I think I'm getting sick. NOT GOOD! Ugh, this sucks. I'm gonna make my mom give me drugs to make me better.

Lastnight, stayed over my granny's. She made such a good dinner. Got my eyebrows waxed, wasn't doing anything at work so I left early. I was pissed.

Today, nothing exciting. I get to leave early Friday for my hair to get done at 1:30....and the prom is at 7....nice. Well, yeah it sucks, I wish I was getting my hair done at like four at the earliest but oh well. Found out I might be going to senior prom with my friend Paul. Since he doesn't have a date I offered. I got the dress and all so I might as well put it to use.

I got a free pizza at work. They were selling them for like 2.99 or something like that and one of the managers asked me if I wanted one and he paid for it, I was like ALRIGHT! Free pizza, I mean why would you turn that down. So I was glad I went into work.

I might take a ride up to six flags tomorrow, see about getting a job. Next week, going to the mall to see what I can do there. I wish there were a lot of places hiring, but probably not.

well I should go to bed, so I don't get even more sick.

(4 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	crime scene=murder, not accident.
Time:	5:54 pm.
Mood:	content.
Music:	my girl Hillary - So Yesterday.

So even though you may not care...thought I'd update my past week of um oddness. I guess that's what it was. Some crazy vacation that's definitaly right.

last Sunday- Easter, driving back and forth from Florence to Hamilton. Sunday night Niver stopped by for a little bit after work. Said bye for the week.

Monday- Woke up to leave at 4 AM sucked ass! Got to Florida, it was sorta hot but only about 72 or some shit like that....went to Downtown Disney, checked in this SHITTY ass hotel room....but the hotel room incidents get better, oh just wait and see! Haha, so yeah Monday was a bust, I was pooped.

Tuesday- DisneyWorld! It kinda sucked, I guess it would have been better if I was a little kid. Man do I hate strollers. That night we went to Old Town, it was kinda like the boardwalk, with the rides and the lights and stuff. Thennn we get back to the hotel, and there's a cop car parked there, and we're like okay, that's pretty weird. But didn't pay any attention, of course.

Wednesday- Shittiest day EVER! It was cold, I wore jeans and a hoodie and I was still freezing. My feet were killing me, and so were my legs, and Disney started to suck ass. I think that's the night we ate at Giordano's I had to call Lindsay from there....since it's "her" resturant. Haha. Then we got back to the hotel room, and the cop was STILL there! I was like what is going on?

Thursday- We went to have breakfast at the resturant near the hotel, we walk by this one room where that cop is sitting outside of. We're like hey, buddy....what's going on? He says...I'm guarding a crime scene. All I'm thinking is what the fuck is going on! So my mom went to the front desk and they said, yes there was an "accident" with one of the families. mmhmm sure! I watched CSI those people on there, they don't live, they're dead....those aren't accidents. Ooops, sorry hun, had this knife in my hand, tripped on that shitty ass rug in this shitty as hotel, and stabbed you multiple times. YEAH that's REALLY what happened. So after that, I don't really remember what we did...oh yeah, we went to MGM which was pretty gay. Then we headed over to EPCOT. Which stands for Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow. Yeah, I learn something new every day. Yeah blah blah blah it was warm, sat by the pool, saw nasty old lady in thong, told niver, I think it turned him on haha.

Friday- COCOA BEACH! That was pretty fun. Saw the 24 hour Ron Jon's. It was pretty big. The beach was really nice, got a nice tan and all. Skidaddled out of there, it was getting crowded. I don't remember what we did after that. Oh yeah, I think Universal....or something like that.

Saturday- SUCKED....of course for me, cuz when you're bleeding it's terrible. I stayed at the hotel, then I went and hungout by the pool. It was peaceful, for a while. I saw Elvis. Well, some fat guy that impersonated him, the only resemblance was the hair.

Sunday- Islands of Adventure. That was a lot of fun, and it was like 80 some degrees, I don't remember. Talked to Niver a little bit in the airport. He was havin fun with Kyle Lutz, in his jeep. They're silly boys. Then back on the plane home.

Today- Stayed home from school, considering we didn't get home till 12. Went over Niver's, walked into his dark basement cuz he was still sleepin at 10...fuckin bum. I brought him his new spiderman beer mug and his keychain. haha. We went to Cherry Hill mall, I got some Subway, he got chinese. Then I bought myself two skirts...it feels good to have money :D Then we went to get his tux for prom. That was pretty easy. The girl said to me....make him wear a vest, it will look so much nicer. So I turned and looked at him and kinda smiled and I was like alright, you have to get a vest, it's nice. haha. I'm sneaky. So we did all that shit, went back to his house, watched some porn, good old shit.

Friday is prom, I'm excited other than the fact that I don't know who I'm going to sit at a table with. Cuz I don't go to lunch, so I don't know if I can really sign up and tomorrow's the last day, so I don't know maybe I should call someone, cuz I'm getting pissed.

My mom said....if you want to go to Florence next year, you can. I want to, cuz I wanna actually PLAY soccer my senior year, not go to practice be on the team, and get in a game for five mins. And I don't like the fact that I have to drive so far to school. I don't know I'm just starting to get sick of stupid bullshit.

This weekend, shore like woah! This is gonna rock.

(2 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	whylen to the max
Time:	11:02 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.
Music:	my phone keeps vibrating.

So lastnight was fun and eventful. Got some spoonage...which is always a plus :D

Saw Drew and Josh for the first time in like 34857032 years. Drew informed me about herpes. Haha....well not really but I thought that was pretty silly.

Matt's friend went out with Casey Jones, I thought that was funny. I ate so much. The snack stix that Matt said I was shoving down my throat. They were pretty fuckin good.

Today I really didn't do much, woke up...spooned a little more. hehe. Came home hung out did laundry blah blha blah. Went to the mall. Had my first orgasm...I mean trip to Hollister. Matt and Niver are worse than girls when it comes to shopping. They were there with two other girls, and we got NOTHING. Haha, mostly cuz I don't know what you could buy at hollister for less than 20 bucks. Well, there were a few things, but I wasn't too interested, maybe I should start workin crazy hours so I can let myself go shopping. I need to get a new job! This shit is killin me.

Tonight I realized, some girls are just plain sluts. Or they don't have manners at all. I'm just gonna leave it at that, I can only imagine what goes on at prom.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	wa na na na na na
Time:	6:06 pm.
Mood:	crazy.
Music:	Josie and the Pussycats - Pretend to be Nice...such a dork!.

So today was eventful. Got my check, went tanning, went to grandma's got dyan, visited Niver at work. He's such a hard-worker. Haha, if you wanna call it that. Then we went to target, got a new steering wheel cover, a necklace, and got Niver a cd holder thing. Went over dyan's for like five mins. Came back to town, gave Niver his cd case. Hung out for like a half hour or so. Matt came home, I got no hug :( haha, it's cool, I'll wait for tonight.

I'm hangin out for the next four hours, just gettin ready. Might go visit Niver at Debbie's. Get some ice cream. mmm mmm bitch! Then when 10 rolls around, I'm out like woah! Can't wait, it's been so long, I love hangin out with my friends, nothing better in the world. I couldn't ask for more than all these lovely people. haha.

I'm so hungry I want a cheesesteak so bad!

I think that's it, I still have to pack more for Florida, wash a shitload of clothes. That's like the story of my life, washing clothes. Ugh.

I'm out.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	do you feel.....a draft???!!!
Time:	7:35 pm.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	Outkast - roses, stuck in my head.

Wow, lastnight was the first time I had fun in like four months I think. I don't know but it's been a while. Dyan left me at Opie's house with him White Rice, opie's brother, and chris dixon. That was some funny shit. Played asshole, I was the president, and vice president, and then after a while I couldn't read the cards. I forgot how to count, the cards went somethin like 2,8,6,4. It was pretty amusing. I watched Conan, he's a funny guy. Slept in a tiny bed, that was hard as a rock. Had a weird dream that I met opie's mom and she kept telling me to call her colleen and then carol. Her name really is carol. It was freaky.

Took home white rice, he's such a silly kid. I'm so glad they can have a good time and be cool. I miss doing shit like that. But now I can!

White Rice's boxers sparked a whole night of laughs. They didn't really make any sense, but it was just weird. I almost choked on the taco with the fire sauce.

Today I hung out with Niver. I was so mad that I stopped being friends with him, he's so nice, and I just missed him so much. We went to Btown bagels, got a bagel with ten pounds of cream cheese. Haha, then we went to his house and checked out the system that he has in his living room. Made the kitchen window rattle. I beat him up, he sang to me. Talked about how we're gonna hangout all the time like we used to. I can't wait till we go to prom. That's gonna be a sight.

I can't wait to go to Florida! I saw my stepmom today, she told me that we're going to leave for Florida either the aug. 9 or 16 which is so great, cuz now I can go to warped tour, and I'm gonna get tickets for the one in Camden cuz Niver's gonna go and we can all hangout there and whatnot. The more the merrier!

This is so great, two more days left of school. I'm starting to realize a lot about life. Especially if someone really cares about you, they'll come back no matter what. I'm just taking time away from being with anyone and just trying to have fun and figure out what I want. Get over the fact that I was used for so long. But it's alright, cuz I'm gonna have lots of fun at prom. My mom said that he's going to be my "knight in shining armour" haha, I just hope he doesn't come wearing any armour. Haha.

I'm tired, and I gotta burn cd's so I'm out like woah!

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	it's time to come down from space.
Time:	9:30 pm.
Mood:	relieved.
Music:	Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn. it reminds someone of me.

Well this weekend sucked. I'm just glad it didn't last longer than it did.

My body aches. Have an empty feeling, but what's new.

Had cheering up from people. Realized that I had a great friend and ruined it for stupid reasons. Glad we're friends again. I sorta miss it. I always seemed to be cheered up whenever we hung out.

Anyone wanna take me to prom??? I need to know by this Friday.

Umm let's see what else. I think that's it. Florida in one week, I'm looking forward to it. I know I won't be missed, which is good and bad.

It's been pretty, and it's been nice....it's a shame it couldn't last longer. But hey, maybe you'll realize things later on. I'll be here if you need me, like always. Remember how I'm a sucker for sweet talkers...but I can't fall for it from you anymore. You're silly for turning it down. I don't know why you did that, but I guess you have your reasons that I'll never know. I thought it would work, but I guess you just can't get over the past and move on. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about anything anymore. I learned a lot from you. Thanks for everything. I had fun with you. I'll never forget it. I hope you realize that we can be mature about things and still talk.

(1 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	the teacher that delivered dominos and always loved to throw parties.
Time:	9:21 pm.
Mood:	amused.
Music:	club music like WOAH!.

Me and Ashley were reminiscing about all the spanish teachers we had in the span of two marking periods. The one hippie that loved to throw parties and delivered domino's. And Dolly Parton, and the spastic one. We had some weird teachers.

I'm a concerned parent. It's funny...and nerdy all at the same time.

The past two days I meant to go tanning, but I got out of school and just came home, I didn't feel like doin shit. I'm such a lazy ass.

Tomorrow I'm getting another bathing suit, goin out with my mommy, and going tanning. This time I'm DEFINITALY going, and I think it's mostly cuz I probably won't have to pay for it. So that's even better.

I had a chemistry test today, I cheated so bad, it's pretty funny. Me and Carly basically work together. The kid in front of me like turns around and looks at our papers. He hears all the crazy shit we talk about. We say shit about suckin cock, and balls and shit. I'm so weird. I can't take it.

I have club music on. IT'S A CLUB IN HERE! I wanna turn it up so loud. I'm gonna start dancin in here like a weird.

Anthony left his pants at my house. I know own his shirt, sweat shirt, and a pair of jeans. Haha, I have a whole outfit now. I know what I'm gonna be for halloween this year.

Me and Frank are gonna have club night in my room. He's bringin the E and I'm gettin half naked. Haha. Man, I'm silly.

(3 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	This busy shit will never end.
Time:	9:31 pm.
Mood:	productive.
Music:	taz barking outside..

Well let's see....
Wednesday decided I didn't want to go to school. Was being a sap all day. Depressed for no reason at all, still can't figure out why I was.

Thursday-went to school, did some homework. Anthony came over :D went to Best Buy so he could get a new monitor. That car ride home with me being squished in the front seat was pretty amusing. Had some good dinner. My name's STILL Heather. Oh yeah, during lunch me and Dyan went to McDonald's and then when we were coming back to school this cop was following me, but I couldn't figure out why cuz I wasn't doing anything wrong. They turned around and sat there and watched me. I was walkin towards the school and someone calls my name. It was my cousin. He thought he scared me. Well he sorta did considering Dyan still had a bowl in her purse. I was like why would they search us. But yeah it was funny, had to be there.

Friday-Went to school again. Me and Dyan went on a job hunt. Got my check, made a deposit in the bank for the first time in two months. Made a little detour on the way home. Got to Anthony's at like 5, cuddled a little. That's always lovely. Went bowling with Steve and Liz. I was really tired during the end of the night. Stayed up till 2 which I haven't done in forever.

Saturday-got up late, did some homework, hung around the house. Went to Anthony's cuddled, same old shit. Went to Burlington Center to rent him a tux for my prom....bad idea. We walked in, the place was dirty, they had man thongs behind the counter. Group of black people in there, no one even said hello. Walked out of there so fast, went to Dick's and Kohl's. Tried to get some black pants, still no luck :( What's the deal with that, my legs are too damn long. Headed on up to Moorestown Mall. Helped Anthony get his tux. I had to pick out the colors for him and just about everything. It was funny. We went to Friendly's and I got a happy ending :) sundae that is! Haha, sick-o.

We went back to his house, rented one of those silly horror movies. Shredder. They killed all the snowboarders. It was funny. We had a nice night.

Today, woke up...Anthony went to work on his car. Matthew went over to help. I came on home took a shower, all that shit. I wish I lived closer to Anthony, I drove there and back three times today. This is just getting to be too much. During the summer I just am gonna stay there the whole time. Haha. He should move closer to me. I could walk to his house and get some more exercise.

I still have some homework to do. And I should go let the dogs in cuz Matthew didn't, he's too busy sawing wood on the chair.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	the sick one.
Time:	1:54 pm.
Mood:	sick.

well, let's see. Hospital lastnight....that was not fun at all. I was sick all day yesterday. I'm doing better today but not 100%

Lastnight i was so dehydrated and weak I came downstairs laid on the couch I couldn't even talk. My mom said my eyes were wide open staring at her, but I couldn't see or hear anything and I don't remember anything. She said I told her I was sleeping. It was so scary, I couldn't eat or drink anything.

Anthony came over to visit, I felt bad cuz I had to leave every five mins. So we just laid on the couch and then he went home. I kept telling him I was sorry cuz I didn't feel good :( I just wanted to be my normal self.

So they had to take blood lastnight, seems like I might have hepatits A...that's just lovely. There was something going on with my liver, my mom knows so that's all that matters. Haha, my liver. I keep thinkin of beavis and butt-head.

Other than me feeling like poo....this weekend was pretty good. Hung out with Anthony :D we went to pick up rob, then we went to a show and hung out with geoff. Just about every show I go to I see eric, drew, and zach there. I just can't get away, I don't understand. But anyway, we went up to white castle (never eating that shit again) saw some "nice cars" haha. Hung out with a drunk kid walkin around with a big thing of captain morgans. Was in the mood for some. But I didn't let peer pressure get to me. haha. There were gonna be some races, but then it started to rain so we made a bee line for the car. Anthony had to drive my car home cuz it was after 12 oooh wow, breakin curfew!! He almost got to 100 in it. Haha.

So yeah, that was my weekend. Along with seeing Dawn of the Dead. Scary zombie movie. It was pretty good compared to all the other ones I'm used to seeing.

I wish I could just eat normal food without being sick. This sucks like woah.

(2 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	"undecided"
Time:	12:30 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	tv.

I've been getting really frustrated lately. I don't know why. I guess I'm worrying about figuring out what I want to go to college for. I'm trying to work hard in school and go to work so that I feel like I'll be accepted. I feel like no one is going to want me in their college, nothing I ever do is good enough. It's not good enough for anyone. I used to never get F's and when I did I would never understand why. But it's so different now. I don't know maybe I don't care...but I really do. I'm afraid I'm not going to get good grades in my classes, I don't know what's going to happen.

I had to go to guidance yesterday, she had this little meeting about plans after high school. I don't even think I'll make it. She gave us this yellow paper to fill out with all the sports and clubs that we did, and all this other stuff. I look at it, and I did just about NOTHING on this paper. I feel so stupid sometimes. I always feel like I'm never good enough for anything. It's retarded, I don't know why I think like this cuz I can have 348570324 people tell me it's not true, but that's not what I think so it's not true.

I still don't even know what I want to be, I thought I wanted to be a veteranarian, but it's not going to work. I'm not smart enough, I'm not good in Chem...or maybe it's just because my teacher can't teach. And I'll be in school for too long, and I just want to stay there for four years. I just can't think of anything. When my mom asks what I'm interested in I get really upset cuz I don't know what I'm interested in. For fuck's sake, I graduate next year and I don't know what I want to do.

I'm gonna wind up staying at Shop Rite for the rest of my life, because I'll never get hired anywhere else, and I'll never get accepted to a college or figure out what I want to do.

I have to do this stuff but every time I do it just depresses me. I just wish this was easier. I just wanna get in my car and drive away from all this...but it'll never happen.

(4 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	Can't you just let it go?
Time:	5:35 pm.
Mood:	okay.
Music:	Straylight Run - existentialism on prom night.

Well let's see. Today...some crazy weather. my feet were soaked for the whole drive home. It was pretty uncomfy. I got home put on my sweatpants and Anthony's hoodie. It smells so good :)

Yesterday I went to work....it was silly...I guess. Called the Fern man at 8:30, then he wanted me to call him back and i did, but he was gettin all showered up. I wound up falling asleep and woke up at 11 to call him back. I felt bad but I was so tired. Talked to him for two hours. Realized I really love him, and how we're a lot alike. But I think I realize that every day.

Today was normal...not that much homework, good stuff. Didn't go to work, my mom didn't want me to drive. I'll just make it up on Thursday and Friday. I really need the money.

Had a nightmare lastnight. Rather not talk about that shit. Kinda...weird.

I hope PetsMart calls me back. I really wanna work there. I think that'd be my dream job. There or Chuck E. Cheese's. This summer my friend Amanda is gonna try to get me a job at the coffee place. That'd so rock. She was talking to me today and she's gonna tell her boss how we practically grew up together and I'm a great worker. I was like aww Amanda! That girl is so nice. She'd give you the shirt off her back. I remember moving away and coming back and then moving away and coming back. And she stayed my friend. Through everyone else that I've gained and lost she's always stayed there. People should be more like her.

I think I'm done.....I heard about a new band today, they're pretty fuckin good.

(1 stepped on it | heart is on the floor)

Subject:	dreams of shop rite.
Time:	10:12 am.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	birdies.....spring is near :D.

I think it's one of my first sunday's off since I've been working regular hours and whatnot. Don't you know I HAD to dream of shop rite and annoyed customers. Let me rephrase that. It wasn't a dream, more like a nightmare.

Other than the above, I've enjoyed my weekend. Friday after school hung out with Dyan and Heather, stopped by my grandma's to hangout for a bit. Then we all went to PetsMart to watch the video and apply for the job. We have to wait another week cuz they're having more of those meetings, and then a SECOND interview. I hope I get the job there....I kinda need the discount.

Then I dropped the two bums off in Trenton. Enjoyed the sounds of my cd player Matthew installed for me. I was quite happy. Thennnnnn I went home got ready for a birthday party. Wound up sitting by myself. I don't know if I was being anti-social or most of the people there didn't like me for one reason or another. I was pretty upset and lonely. I just wanted to leave. I didn't have as much fun as I should have....I would have rather gotten lost 43720754 times on the way to Anthony's then sit there by myself on a couch at a birthday party when everyone else is having fun. So I left an hour early so I could get to where I had to go at a decent time. I was cheered up, cuz just seeing Anthony makes me happy. :)

Saturday we went with his dad to get his engine. That was a whole big mess. But it's pretty much straightened out now. I told Anthony that matthew would love to help him with the car. Lucky kid, he's got connections like woah. Thanks to me. Haha.

I talked to his mom, found out some things. Realized that me and Anthony are so much alike it's scary. Then I noticed how I never get mad at him over stupid things, and I'm always happy with him.

Today on the agenda....Laundromat in about an hour or so. I gotta wash my mom's blankets for her. I have to sit there so no one steals her stuff. Haha, that's funny. So I figured, I'd do my homework there. Then I'm gonna hangout with the Lindsinator. Anthony's gonna hangout with Aaron....if he calls him this time. And if he doesn't I'm gonna be mad.

I'm thinkin of makin my LJ friends only. I've had this thing for a long time and I never worried about it. I'm sick of being stalked. Don't bother commenting and saying some bullshit, cuz I'm just gonna delete it. I'm sick of playin around.

(heart is on the floor)

Subject:	somebody save me.
Time:	8:03 pm.
Mood:	amused.
Music:	Matthew watching the tv at high volumes.

I'm an asshole. Filled up the gas tank, not enough money. Had to call matthew and have him bring some extra bucks for me. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for him.

Took out a lot of anger on Anthony. I felt bad after I did it. I guess all this pent up stress and anger, he was there, and he was vulnerable at the time. I'm still mad about only getting to talk to him for 5 mins lastnight. I don't stay up till 11 for nothing.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with my mom...hopefully some sleep at an early time. No more "late night booty calls" as my mom says. Haha.

Mike in the count out room is trying to get with my mom. I think it was brought up with the atkins diet (fATKINS) and I said how she lost 100 pounds. He was askin about if she had tattoos and all that other stuff. He was like is she old and I told him and he kept saying "35". It was funny. Then I remembered that he knew Dale, and I brought up my knowledge of the brotha man. He was like "tattoo Dale" I don't know what's up with Mike and tattoos. And those rats on the quiznos commercials.

I don't know why I hate shop rite so much sometimes. It's like a party in there some days. I dunno. I'm so weird with my emotions....god damn teenage hormones...all I wanna do is eat and have sex. Haha, well maybe just the eat part ;)

Alright, I'm gonna go eat my ramen.

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